Detroit at Long Island

January 12, 2010

“So here’s what I took, I kept the wine and laughter,
Until every path just grew up and ever after,
Through the peaks and twisty canyons,
I made many great companions,
Best of all is the one who loves me like you do.
I never took heavy words for granted,
And it’s much too late to even want the shortcut,
Yeah, I never took the easy way,
So you can take it a little easy on me now.
‘Cause we know that easy’s never easy anyhow.”

“The Easy Way” by Dar Williams

I’m not going to call any treatment the easy way or the shortcut, but as we know, easy’s never easy anyhow.

We had five or six great days and then this happens. Last year, Ina’s employer changed the insurance company that provided their benefits. As a bonus, they offered all of the employees dirt cheap life insurance they could renew every year for the same price, even if they left the employer. You could get up to a maximum of seven times your base salary with no health questions asked. Since life insurance for Ina is so expensive, we jumped at the chance. She filled out the application form and requested coverage for one penny less than the maximum she could get.

A few weeks later (that would be today), the insurance company seems to have realized that was a bad idea. They tell Ina she needs to fill out a full health questionnaire and get some information from her doctor to be considered for the life insurance. This is when she gets all different kinds of upset and calls me.

She yells, she screams, she cries and starts driving me up the wall with that, “I have this disorder because I’m fat, but it won’t go away when I’m skinny because I don’t have it because I’m fat” kind of argument that drives me absolutely nutty. You can’t have it both ways just so you can feel worse about yourself. Sometimes she’ll go after me like this simply to have a fight because she wants to get her anger out. I don’t see why we need to fight. “I never really had the appetite,” as the Gomez song says. Why can’t she just yell at me?

Anyway, we go back and forth on the phone for a while. I am trying to be calm, comforting and helpful. I’m just not doing a very good job of it. I tell her to go talk to her benefits people before she does anything. Don’t fill out the form, don’t call the company, and please, don’t jump to any conclusions.

Ina’s already decided the insurance company has decided to not cover her. There’s no reason to call her benefits people. I tell her to just do it and see what happens. I tell her I don’t really want to have a fight about this. I ask her to not treat me this way because she’s not mad at me and I don’t deserve this.

That makes it worse. We weren’t having a fight before. But now that I thought we were, I’m sure we are having one now. You’d think I would learn. She comes up with a lot of stuff about how I just want to get her off the phone because she’s making me upset and she needs to keep her problems to herself and not bother me since I don’t do anything to support her anyway.

It’s amazing how fast you can go from good day to bad day. I don’t want to fight, but after the last year I’d like a little credit and I would like to not be yelled at. We hang up and I am very upset. If there is a right way to handle her when she gets like this, I seriously doubt that I will ever find it.

Cheryl is walking by right after I hang up the phone and she asks how I am doing. I tell her about the phone call and how upset Ina made me. I tell Cheryl that I get why Ina’s mad. She’s upset that the company doesn’t actually want to insure her life either because her life is a bad gamble because they are worried she is going to die in the near future, or just simply that they think her life isn’t worth the effort to insure. (I’m sure there are lots of fun “becauses” we can come up with for the last sentence.)

“And the Islanders are playing the Red Wings tonight and I really want to watch that game,” I say. “I’m going to call her back and tell her that if the drama isn’t over by 7:00 she’s going upstairs so I can watch the game in peace!”

She looks at me and says, “Why don’t you invite her to watch the game with you? You can get some beer and make some popcorn and …”

Okay, Cheryl. I can take that from here.

“Well, fuck!” I say way too loud. I quiet down and say, “You know, I am good am figuring out what people need and giving it to them. I don’t know why I can’t do that more with Ina. That idea will work.”

Cheryl replies, “Will my idea work? I don’t know. Is it better than your idea? Yeah, much better.”

“You know she can’t drink beer and eat popcorn. She doesn’t even like beer, anyway.”

I say this not having any idea why Cheryl would know Ina couldn’t eat or drink that stuff. I think. It’s hard to keep all the things I told Cheryl straight in my head.

“The concept, Palmer. And because she’s your wife and you love her so much, that’s why.”

Cheryl is a very smart woman.

Being true to form for both me and Ina (she’s really into neat and tidy scheduling), I send her a meeting request in Outlook. The subject is Detroit at Long Island, the location is our house and the time is 19:00 EST to 21:30 EST. I write the following in the request:

Have a nice dinner and a date with your husband to watch a fun game and forget about insurance. Remember, the Isles shut them out last season!

I don’t have any idea what to expect, but I’m hoping for the best. I grab my cell phone and go for my daily walk. Ina doesn’t call while I’m out, but she accepts my invitation while I’m gone and sends me a message that says, “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you and I don’t want to fight with you. I love you and can’t wait for the game.”

We meet up back at home, put our little girl to bed and watch the game. For some reason, the Islanders of 2010 turn into the Islanders of 1980 every time they play the Red Wings. A good time is had by all.

I can’t believe all of this actually happened. I can’t believe how much more I love Ina. I didn’t think that was possible. I can’t believe how much more patience I have. I can’t believe how few things can get me upset any more. I can’t believe how much more beauty I see in the people and the world around me.

Even though it can be a real struggle adjusting to our new routines, the pain doesn’t last. Sure, there were hard times, but we kept the wine and laughter. The rest is just whatever. It’s the past. Especially since we know we have each other no matter what. If we made it through this, we can make it through anything. Ina’s getting healthier. The Endocrinologist is taking her off medicines. She is going to be fine. So will I and our little girl. I can’t wait for the rest of our lives.

The End Of The Journal

I figured I add one more entry from my crazy journal to wrap a great big bow around this and close out this blog. This uplifting tale describes one of our first fights after we knew Ina was doing better and how we used everything we learned from this experience to better our marriage.

Thanks for reading everybody.

Conclusions

I stepped away from this for a while to try to gain a little more perspective and see if I had anything else to add. I am sure there are plenty of topics I could cover, but I am pretty satisfied with what I presented here.

The best advice I can give anyone going through something like this is to keep the faith. Many people wrote Ina off and told us we had no hope, when in fact, she is doing well and thriving right now. The two of us are closer than I every would have imagines possible. Even our friends can see it. One of them recently called us the two most in love people she knows. Sometimes if you want something bad enough and work hard enough, good things can happen.

Remember that the two of you are a team. Be honest about how you feel and what you need. Everything will go smoother if you do.

Also, don’t forget that while you are a team, you also need to have some alone time and doing things to maintain you own health like eating right and exercising to make sure you are at your best to help care for your spouse.

Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. I wish I had better advice for dealing with children through all of this, but I don’t. I never figured that out at all.

I think this is different for men and women. I think women are better caregivers than men. I think my wife is better at this than I am, and I don’t know why. I wanted to write more about this for a while, but nothing ever comes. Maybe somebody else can add that for me.

If you have trouble with your employer or your spouse’s employer, type the words “Family Medical Leave Act” into a search engine. There are thousands of references about that, and I will leave it up to them. I am in no way an expert in this somewhat complicated law.

I believe everything happens for a reason. I also believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. We just need to be open to the possibility that we need to ask for help sometimes. My faith really helped me through this, and I hope yours can help you. I knew there was a plan, even if I didn’t understand it. Sometimes we just need to do our best and surrender to what will be. Easier said than done, I know.

No matter what happens, just keep loving each other and just keep moving forward. Sometimes people win. We’re living proof.

I’ll watch the comments and email attached to this blog. If anyone has any questions, just let me know and I’ll do my best.

God bless and good luck,

Palmer

Meanwhile… Back In Oyster Bay

December 19, 2009

“There’s lots of friendly folks that say “good morning,”
But somehow you know I don’t believe their smiles.
I could be New York City bound where I could be among my friends,
But the road back home it seems a million miles.
I can see the lights of Hollywood below me,
But somehow they just don’t move me like they should.
I know it’s hard to understand but I would be a fisherman,
If I only had the chance, you know I would.

I never thought that things would go this far,
I never thought that I’d be here today,
I never thought I’d be a superstar,
Oh and Jesus Christ I wish that I was back in Oyster Bay.”

“Oyster Bay” by Billy Joel

The day I officially l left Oyster Bay was the day Ina and I got engaged. We were visiting my family. We left their house, drove to the beach, we got engaged and drove up to Oyster Bay to meet my old landlord and get a check for my security deposit. We went out to lunch in Glen Gove and drove back to DC. Ina made me stop on the Jersey Turnpike so she could buy wedding magazines. What a great day.

There were so many great days and nights in that apartment, overlooking Oyster Bay Harbor, three blocks from downtown Oyster Bay. There were great local pizza places, many fun restaurants, a wonderful little park and beach, and just lots of fun stuff to do. We came back to that apartment after trips to the beach, late nights after going out to see local bands and spent lots of good times there just watching movies or playing games. Part of me really wants to go back to that apartment eight years ago with Ina.

But of course, we can’t go back to that apartment. We can’t go back in time eight years. Someone else owns that house. They removed the two apartments and changed the entrance so much the only way I know which house was mine is I remember my old address and the way the rest of the houses on the block looked.

And I’m not giving up our little girl for anything.

So I’m stuck here in our bedroom alone. (“I feel like my bed’s unusually wide,” is the line from “Miss You More Than I’m Mad” by Cheryl Wheeler.) Ina stormed off and plans on sleeping in the guest room. Forever. Because, you know, I can’t see her any more after the next set of treatments, even though I actually already have seen her do it. It’s a crappy way to spend a Saturday night.

After a minute or two of knocking on the door, she lets me into the room. Of course, I do have one copy of the key to the lock hanging above the door, one in our bedroom and the wooden door and frame wouldn’t have a chance against my shoulder if I really wanted to get in. Ina cried, Ina screamed, Ina jumped into bed and didn’t let me touch her. This was the way it was going to be from now on, she said.

There was no reasoning with her. She was not behaving in any reasonable way. I do not have any idea why this is the one thing she is crazy about. If I did, I’d like to think this would be going better.

I told her I loved her and she didn’t have anything to worry about. She begged me to leave her alone and close the door.

And I did.

I didn’t want to, but after everything else that happened between us, I figured this might be something I had to wait out. At least for a little while, to see if any of us could gain any perspective at all. (Ina hates it when I say that, but she got what she wanted in this case.)

Walking back to our bedroom by myself was one of the hardest things I ever did. I turned off the light and went to bed. When that didn’t work, I went downstairs, poured two Old Fezziwig Ales into a big Ocean City plastic cup, went back to bed and put some Western Conference hockey on. Seriously, guys, skating and offense. Hockey’s about more than hitting.

I went to sleep about an hour later. Ina came in at some point, crying and poking at me to wake me up. I put my arms around her and told her everything was going to be all right. Now did not seem like the time to have a discussion about treatments or surgery or diseases. Now was the time to be comforting and just be together.

The sun will rise in the morning and we can start again.

All By My Self

December 21, 2009

“There might be someone in this crowd,
Who’s right down in it right now.
Who’s deep in the depths of the dark of the hardship.
Someone who’ll make it somehow,
Someone who’ll make it somehow.

Through times when you got to be your own hero.
Those times when it’s falling on you.
Those times when there’s no one but God to call on.
Those times when you barely get through…”

“Your Own Hero” by Steve Forbert

We woke up and discussed the incident from the night before. Ina was still convinced she did not want to give it another try. She did not want to lie about it. She did not want to talk to the tech about it. Ina was surely not going back to a therapist to talk about anything, for any reason, especially this. Ina was done. We worked so long and hard down this path and this whole treatment option was gone.

I really did not want this to be the reason why. I was really hoping the nurse had some kind of magic trick that was going to help us get through this, no matter what Ina said right now.

It was nice to get a couple of hours of sleep. I wasn’t counting on that. I know we were all expecting the Eric Carmen song (or, gasp, if you didn’t realize the Celine Dion version is a cover), but that’s really not what today is all about. I don’t feel lonely at all. I have Ina and I have Cheryl when I really need her. I’ve come to grips with the fact there is very little about Ina’s situation that I can fix or control. I’m just having trouble accepting the lack of support from everybody else.

“Well, you haven’t told anyone else!” Eddie Westfall interjects.

“Ed, I don’t think that’s what he means,” Jiggs replies.

Jiggs is right. I am used to being my own hero after the last few months. It’s funny because I’ve felt like I was my own hero my whole life. It’s just a question of degrees. I remember how I felt during the Early American History times. Or when we were doing everything we could to get Ina pregnant. How I felt like it was all falling on me. Praying for God to help me get Ina through this. I remember how sad and desperate I was. Now, I can look back at those days and laugh. In the past two months, two doctors told us based on Ina’s blood work, she was not even healthy enough for surgery. And nothing compares to the last few days.

The funny thing is that during those times, I never looked back at what came before. Now I am, and I can’t believe how high school, Twilight, “Glee” level drama all of those events seem like. I’m not saying those things weren’t challenging and that I really wasn’t that upset by them. I’m also not saying if you are just coming into those problems that they are not a big deal, or that your pain is not real or trivialized somehow. I just hope this is the end. I can’t imagine what will happen next that will make me laugh about this. Oh well. That’s probably what I thought last time.

Any hey, if nothing bad has never happened to you, good for you. I was like that for a long time. I hope you can keep it that way.

But seriously, where is the support? I knew last night was coming and I knew this would be a hard week. I told Ray I was working from home on Monday and Tuesday and I was taking the rest of the week off. Then on Friday, he told me he needed me to come in so I could troubleshoot problems with one of the test benches (and it was true that it was so new I was pretty much the only person here who could do it), and so John and I could support our manufacturer so they would be ready to work over the Christmas break since everybody else was out of town. (Sorry, Maryland was the original Catholic colony. There’s no “holidays” here, even though I work less than 15 miles from the White House. The manufacturer is closer to Baltimore anyway.) But, seriously, support them? I used to work there. It takes an Act of God for something to get done there during their shutdown, and God is kind of busy this time of year.

“Palmer,” Jiggs starts, “You know that’s your fault. Even Cheryl says Ray will be kind and fair if you are honest with him and you know it in your heart also. He really tried to be your friend after Early Morning Drama and Even More Early Morning Drama.”

Sure Jiggs, in a way. I shouldn’t have to invoke Ina’s problems to get a few days off THE WEEK OF CHRISTMAS. It’s going to be just me, John and some security guards here for the next two weeks. And do you understand how crappy I would feel to go back to him now and tell him why I need the time off? Is he even going to believe me? Do I need to bring receipts and pictures? He does this all the time. Ray will say something that makes it impossible for me to respond without sounding like I’m whining or without making him feel terrible. Why does he do this to me?

I do know that Ray has made an effort to be there for me from time to time. I think it’s hard for him to do it. I can feel how uncomfortable he is, and I want to try to save him from it. And, of course, it’s none of his business as long as it doesn’t affect his bottom line too much. He knows me. I’m working on his most complicated assembly because he trusts me more than anyone else on the team to do it. He told me that directly when I offered to move to another part of the project to solve a personnel issue we were having between a contractor and a civil servant. It’s just hard when we both have our own separate problems, our common problems trying to get everybody on the team to play nice together, the fact that we have so much history already and, of course, that he is supposed to be my boss and my friend while we are supposed to be enemies since I am the task lead and he is the task manager. There has got to be a way to make this more complex…

One day, I will sit down and make peace with Ray. He deserves to hear me thank him for his concern and understanding. Today, however, is not that day.

But there are so many other people that could help me out. Just once maybe. Seriously Bridget and Lily, not one second or third shift?

“Well, you and the Bruins fan do that to yourselves also…” Jiggs says.

Jiggs, I know, to an extent. But still, nobody can help us with this? Just say in a meeting during first shift that we miss since I’ve been working from midnight to 8 AM for twelve days straight, “Hey, maybe somebody can give these guys a break.”

Maybe one of my friends could pick up the phone when I called them, or return my messages. Because it would be nice to just talk to somebody that wasn’t Ina, Cheryl, Juliet or our little girl’s friends’ mothers. Not about this. Just about something else.

Wow. I think I just got what Lily was trying to tell me. Those are practically her words. Maybe she’s smarter than I give her credit for.

Could I really be the last person on Earth that’s true to their word? That it means something to me? Because, you know what? Today, I would have settled for a call from the nurse, who PROMISED to call today. Just like the delay in getting the last treatment scheduled, I’m sure it was the insurance company that made her not call.

 

Loneliness Part 2

I found two more posts that explore different kinds of loneliness I wanted to share. The first one, All By My Self, discusses our struggles to get good guidance from the medical professionals trying to help Ina. It talks about how alone I felt in trying to help, how I felt there was nobody else on our team. There is nothing more frustrating than people not following up with you after they promise to do so. How am I supposed to know what’s important or not without any guidance? And how am I supposed to keep Ina motivated to stay on track with all of the medicines and treatments when no one else shows any urgency at all? If this is important, you need to show us it really is. While I certainly hope nothing like this ever happens to you, I am sure it will at some point.

The second post is about one night where Ina locked herself in the guest room and would not come out. I felt like it was already enough that we were battling all of these health problems, and I did not need a fight with her also. What you should take away from this post is that sometimes everybody needs their own space. While you may need nothing more than some quiet time with your spouse, they may need some time alone to try to understand their feelings. Or, as Cheryl once told me, maybe she just doesn’t want you to see her cry. No matter what the reason, it can make for a terribly lonely day and I’m glad this only happened a few times to us. As much as it sucks, sometimes you just need to ride it out and deal with it later.

Christmas

December 27, 2009

“God rest you merry, gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember Christ our Savior,
Was born on Christmas Day.
To save us all from Satan’s power
When we were gone astray.
O tidings of comfort and joy!”

“God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” (Traditional)

There are so many great modern Christmas songs. “The Rebel Jesus” by Jackson Browne, “River” by Joni Mitchell, “The Christians and the Pagans” by Dar Williams, or just about anything from the Christmas trilogy by Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I decided to go with one of the traditional hymns because it reminds me of my days playing organ or keyboards in folk group during Mass back home. “O Come All Ye Faithful” is simply one of my favorite songs. “God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen” and “Joy to the World” are pretty high up there also.

We spent Christmas at home this year since we were meeting Ina’s father and his family at a resort in Ohio for New Year’s. The best gift I could ever receive for Christmas was to spend the time alone at home with my wife and our little girl. Ina was showing good progress and we made a few decisions about her treatment for the future. With the constant worrying about Ina’s health and all of the preparations for every different treatment plan in the past, we could finally take a few days off to enjoy ourselves.

The fun started the day before Christmas Eve. I did actually get to at least leave work early that day and we took our little girl sledding. It snowed the day before and everything was covered with this beautiful white blanket of snow. Later in the day, we went to see a display of Christmas lights and enjoyed a nice meal at an Italian restaurant we enjoy.

On Christmas Eve, we went to a great Christmas concert with Brenda and her little girl. There was singing, orchestras playing, and a bell choir. Brenda took a picture of us in front of some Christmas trees. We look so happy. We were so happy. I couldn’t believe the difference from a week ago.

We spent Christmas Day at home. We had a nice breakfast, opened presents, watched Christmas movies and spent a quiet day at home. Ina even took a nap. She made us a great dinner and we had a wonderful night.

That weekend, we went to some holiday exhibits at the Smithsonian and took a trip to Baltimore to go to see the Christmas train layouts at the B&O Railroad Museum. That’s a fun place if you like trains. We went to Fells Point for an afternoon of lunch and shopping.

It was a warm and comforting weekend. It was so disturbingly quiet and normal. I was still a little edgy, but I couldn’t believe how the simplest things could make me happy. So incredibly happy. Closure can really be something. I went from feeling really down to really high all of the time. It was like being in high school again. I wondered how long it would take for me to feel normal.

Believe

December 11, 2009

“Don’t turn away,
Just take my hand,
And when you make your final stand,
I’ll be right there,
I’ll never leave,
And all I ask of you is
Believe.”

“Believe” by Savatage

There we were in my wife’s SUV, flying up I-95 between Baltimore and Delaware. (That toll in Delaware is such a pain and it always makes the traffic terrible due to construction or not enough open toll lanes. And EZ Pass people! Could you just make my life a little easier?)

It was between nine and ten at night. We were heading back up to New York for the weekend to do the Christmas in New York City sort of stuff and see my family before the holidays. We had recently eaten dinner. I cannot for the life of me remember where we ate. Unlike our normal weekend routine, I normally drive on long trips. It helps with my motion sickness (which I strangely enough do not get on boats or airplanes, but do in cars and elevators), it lets Ina take a nap and gives me a chance to play with the satellite radio. At night. Trust me, XM is very different at night than during the day. During the summer, there are live Jimmy Buffet concerts broadcast from wherever he is playing. Lots of hockey is available in season. There’s “For Headphones Only,” a fun progressive rock show on Deep Tracks. Old Casey Kasem countdowns were broadcast on the ‘70’s and ‘80’s stations, and there are all kinds of other fun music stations to explore.

Ina put her seat back to take her mid-evening nap. She usually slept for an hour or two and woke up for the rest of the trip. She takes my hand.

“You know that cover that Trans-Siberian Orchestra played the other night? I was just thinking about how that was like us and about what you were saying. You know, just take my hand and I’ll get you through. It was a good song. I appreciate everything you do for me.”

Holy cow. This was the most unanticipated moment of my entire life. What a wonderful Christmas gift this was. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t breathe. I almost drove the car off the road. I wanted to fall down in a ball and cry. Because, this meant:

• Ina has been listening to what I’ve been saying for the past three months
• Ina believes what I am saying
• I’m doing a good enough job that she feels comfortable, supported, educated and taken care of
• She has stopped worrying about me, which always makes me feel much worse
• Ina listened to a Savatage song
• Ina liked a Savatage song and managed to make it relevant to her life when, in reality, it belongs back towards the end of “Headbanger’s Ball” back in early 1990’s MTV.

I had never been so proud and so surprised at the same time in my life. I was so happy. I felt like this was going to work out.

I’m sure there are some people reading this that haven’t caught up to us yet and don’t quite understand how you can feel during the less than certain times. I’m sure there are some of you that think I’m a big baby and a terrible writer that needs to grow up and get over it. Everyone has their own opinion and I’m not sure what to say to you other than I don’t really care.

I feel good today. Peaceful and warm. Happy and hopeful and really looking forward to seeing my family and doing all of those Christmas things in New York that nobody else ever seems to do, but it feels like the whole world is trying to get into St. Patrick’s or up and down Fifth Avenue every time I am there.

All I need to do is keep the car on the road till I get back home. That was something I could do. Next week is so far away.

“Peaceful memories,

Like lights on a Christmas tree,
Every hometown should be peaceful and warm.
Every father, mother, sister, brother,

Friend of the family,
Peaceful and warm.”

“Peaceful and Warm” by Kansas.

(Yes, I realize my hometown experience may not match that ideal hometown where everyone seems to know everyone else and there is calm and quiet and snow falling over farms and little downtowns and town wide 4^th of July picnics, but it is still mine. And I love it.)

A Night With Trans-Siberian Orchestra

December 9, 2009

“Somewhere the wind carves moments in the snow”

“Ornament” by Trans-Siberian Orchestra

I spent lots of time on the way home from work thinking about the quote I wanted to use for this chapter. There are so many great lines from the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but this one kept coming back to me. It doesn’t really add anything to the story, but it’s so eloquent for just one line.

In 1995 a band called Savatage released an album about the relationship of a Serb and Muslim during the Bosnian War called Dead Winter Dead. I have been meaning to sit down and listen to this album since I was an undergrad back in, well, 1995. I’m absolutely sure I will actually buy it one day. I have heard three songs from this album, namely “This Isn’t What We Meant,” “Mozart and Madness” and of course, “Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24).”

I heard “Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)” on this great AOR station out of Albany when I was an undergrad. I believe I was driving down to see my family for Thanksgiving. I wish I could remember the name of the radio station because it was just plain great and I’m sure it has changed formats six times since then. The song is a somewhat heavy metal medley of “God Rest You Merry, Gentlemen” and the traditional Ukrainian “Bell Carol.” It’s the kind of recording I am dying to make. I could not believe what I heard after that song was over. That kind of record that changes someone’s life. Sure, I’d heard the Gary Hoey sort of Christmas carol treatment, but I could not believe how much I wanted to hear that song again. Immediately. I could not believe how pissed off I was I didn’t do it first.

Savatage producer, Paul O’Neill, had an idea about a rock opera based on Christmas carols. “Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)” won Savatage all kinds of new fans, but it did not increase their overall sales or radio airplay (short of the one AOR station in Albany, apparently). Lots of different people have different ideas about how it happened, but O’Neill and some of the members of Savatage wrote an album called Christmas Eve and Other Stories. While I love just about everything TSO has done (with the exception of The Christmas Attic, which I never really got into), Christmas Eve and Other Stories is one of my ten favorite pieces of music. Ever. You can put it up against the odd numbered Beethoven Symphonies, the Four Seasons, the Brandenburg Concertos, Pet Sounds, Rumors, Exile on Main Street, Who’s Next, Running on Empty, Escape, the list goes on and on. The song cycle that starts with “Ornament” and closes with “This Christmas Day” is so unbelievable that I cannot describe it to you. Many of you have this album and just need to go listen to it. If you don’t have it, you need to get it now.

Ina decided in late October to buy us tickets for this show. I really thought she told me she hated Trans-Siberian Orchestra and never wanted to see them live. Maybe she changed her mind. Maybe it was a reward for sticking with her though some of the tougher days. I really didn’t care why. Over the years, I had read articles in Live Design and Lighting Dimensions about the stage show and the lighting. I loved the music. I couldn’t wait to get to the show.

Ina and I were meeting at a restaurant down the block from the Verizon Center we had never been to before. Both of us were very excited. She posted on her Facebook page about how she could not wait to meet me for our date.

I got to the restaurant a few minutes before she did. I put our name in I sat down at the bar and took out the magazine I’d brought to read, expect that it was actually the Crate and Barrel Christmas catalog. Quite the oversight there, however, the bar had about 50 beers on tap, including Sierra Nevada Celebration Ale, one of my favorite IPAs ever. I had never had it on tap before, until that night. I got a table right by the front door just as I finished the beer. I could see the street from my chair and I was very excited when I finally (two minutes later) saw Ina coming up 7^th St.

We normally would order a salad and an entrée at a restaurant like this since we are both trying to lose weight. We found a salad and a burger that we really wanted to try so we actually ordered both and split them. Ina decided to order the special appetizer, which was basically four big onion rings on a plate.

I love onions, but I hate anything fried. Ina really doesn’t like anything fried expect chicken and onions. She can talk about batter and flour and all kinds of things that I understand at the time but never get them straight when I try to remember.

“You know, I’ve lost more than 25 pounds in six weeks. The onions are okay.”

But really, neither one of us cares about the onions. We are too excited to be out, by ourselves, getting ready to see the concert.

For what it’s worth, Trans-Siberian Orchestra is even better than all the hype and the special effects. I could not believe how much I enjoyed the concert from the first note. The stage show was simply nearly unbelievable. I was a little disappointed they skipped “A Star To Follow” when they did Christmas Eve And Other Stories, since I really think the little bit of silence before the children’s choir starts singing is a very powerful moment that really sets the stage for the rest of the album, but “First Snow” actually did a great job in its place. Holy cow, you have the CD, go listen to it.

A few weeks before the show, Ina had asked me how people synchronize such complex lighting and effects cues to a live concert. Our seats were just far enough away from the lighting and sound consoles that we could get a really good view of what was going on. I remember telling Ina a few different ways to set up the cues. Of course, I told her, the easiest way is to program all of the changes and have a guy that knows the music to hit the “Next” button at the right time. The funny thing is I see the guys doing exactly that at the end of the first song. It was really obvious. We had a good laugh about it.

By the time they got to “Ornament” the crowd was getting a little restless. They had heard “Christmas Eve (Sarajevo 12/24)” and the two TSO takes on parts of The Nutcracker ballet and were really ready for another hit. I was completely engaged with the concert and the light show. By the time they got to the end of the song, the last four measures of that guitar solo where the guitar goes up and the keyboards go down over the A D/A A D/A pattern, people were up and moving around, but I couldn’t believe it. The lights moved exactly the way I had pictured them in my mind for years. Which is pretty much what they did the entire show. Maybe I was born to do lighting design or play keyboards for TSO. I don’t think I could handle the travel.

The real point here is that no matter what happened yesterday, or is going to happen tomorrow, or on December 14^th can stop us from having fun here and now at the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert. Sometimes, that can be an important lesson to remember.

Life Goes On

Life goes on. It just does. Clothes get dirty, lawns need to be mowed, homework needs to be done. But you know what? Fun still happens too. No matter how crazy or dire your situation may be, you can still enjoy your life together at least moments at a time. The next few journal entries are about that.

 

In some ways, this is a lesson that is very hard to learn, but is very rewarding once you do.

 

Enjoy!